Friday, 17 February 2017
Where to start...
Ok so in a weeks time i will turn 34. Now many of you might think that is still quite young, but at this point of my life I thought everything would be perfect. The perfect house, husband, children... I suppose 2 out of the 3 isn't so bad.
Not many people have as much as we do and I fully appreciate that. To some I may sound like a smug married 30 something arsehole and to a certain extent I am. I love my life.
Recently we just spent 500 pounds on coffee. Bloody coffee!! and do you know why, because we could. We could do this because we don't have children and the drain on finances and time that come with children. Not because we don't want them but because it just hasn't happened for us yet.
The past two years I have spent charting my own cervical mucus, body temp, aches, pains, cramps, lutal phases, mood swings, the list is never ending. It's time for this to stop. Today I went to the GP and asked for help. Now I need to wait several months to go to a fertility clinic. I am not about to continue to worry about conceiving for another couple of months.
I am DONE! Done with worrying about what have I done wrong, worrying if i am really over the hill at 34 and being envious of every one of my friends on Facebook that post baby and smug pregnancy pics. I mean thats what Facebook is really for isn't it. Showing off and making your friends jealous of what you have and done. So I have decided to focus my energy and this blog to the things that I can do and buy by not having children. To really appreciate the little and big things that you can do whilst being childless. I decided this whilst I was having an hour long me time bath shampooing my hair with my 20 pounds Kerastase shampoo. This really does all sound very materialistic, but now I am a material girl and I live in a material world (god cliche much!). Why can't I focus on me and my husband and everything we have built together without worrying on passing on my genes. Does this make me a social outcast...maybe?
As I mentioned at the beginning it will be my 34th birthday next week and to celebrate this me and my husband went and stayed at the Shard in London for 1 night and it was incredible. The room, the view ,the food was perfect. Even had fantastic sex up against the window looking out over London (naughty I know). After 10 years of being together we really re-connected and it felt like we were twenty years olds again. Could we have done this with kids? No worrying about babysitters, money or what time we had to be back by. Just us. Every cloud does have a silver lining.
I am not saying that children don't have any positives because they do. There will always be this void in our lives whilst we don't have children but I know stressing over it won't help. We will continue to try but it will not be my main focus from now on.
Surely you need to live your life. The life you are given to the best that you can. Do what you want, spend what you want and not worry about what might never be. If children are not on the cards for us then fine. Lets move on. Lets appreciate everything else!
Right enough of my incoherent ramblings i'm off to bed. Think we shall sleep in till 1100 tomorrow.